Dear Coleen,
I’m a 26-year-old woman and, for the past few months, I’ve been sleeping with one of my father’s friends.
He’s in his early 50s and looks incredible for his age – really fit and handsome.
Things started between us when I went home for my parents’ 30th wedding anniversary party and he was there with his wife. I got chatting to him and he offered to introduce me to some people at his work, as I’m between jobs and looking for some experience.
So I met him in London, where he works and I live, and things started from there. He began coming back to my place for drinks and sex, and I can’t deny it’s been amazing.
However, I’m having doubts and feel guilty. His wife is lovely and doesn’t deserve this, and would be heartbroken if she ever found out. I also know my parents would hit the roof.
What should I do? I’ve never thought about it leading anywhere (other than more great sex), but I could ruin lives.
Coleen says
Well, you said it! You could ruin a lot of lives and, for what – good sex? You can have good sex with people who are unmarried, with no complications.
I think a lot of the attraction here is because you know he’s off limits. So remind yourself of what could happen if your affair came out into the open – a broken marriage, lost friendships, your parents losing respect for you. You don’t seem to want a relationship with this guy, so is it really worth it?
I think you should listen to what your gut is telling you and end this now. Explain you don’t want your affair to come out and hurt other people.
I imagine he’ll beg you to carry on because, let’s face it, he’s having his cake and eating it. And he might try to assure you “no one will find out”, but these things have a way of coming out, so it’s a huge risk.
How would you feel if your dad slept with one of his friend’s daughters? Angry, upset and devastated for your mum, I imagine. Think about the impact on his wife and their kids.